Quiet Alert!

Newborns only get a couple hours of quiet alert time a day. These are the most special times - especially when they're spent with Daddy.

Fussy Izzie....

Two fussy moments:



And her first bath:



I should note that Izzie has actually been a very good baby. She rarely cries!

We could use your prayers....

Motherhood... still really difficult.

So like I mentioned a couple of posts ago, we're trying to get little Izzie to breastfeed better. The main problem right now, is she falls asleep while feeding, so she's not getting enough. I'm on a somewhat grueling schedule of feeding two different ways (boob and bottle) and then pumping 8-10 times a day! I really want to give up, and I get so jealous when I read about all these stories of how ppl's babies had no problems whatsoever. I guess the key right now, is for Izzie to gain weight so she can create more stamina.

Anyway, here are my prayer requests:

1. Please pray that Izzie will thrive and gain a LOT of weight and a LOT of stamina and will start feeding like a ravenous pro!
2. Please pray for me. Maybe its baby blues kicking in, but I get so down about this whole situation.
3. Please pray for Albert. He's been such a great support.
4. Please pray that our family will really be able to lift this situation up to God and leave this in His hands. I know things will be all right, but sometimes thats hard to see in sleepless delirium.

Thanks!

Time Consumption

Hi everyone, just letting you know that I WILL eventually post my recap of the birth and my thoughts on the first week or so. Unfortunately, I won't be able to post for the next couple of weeks because I missed two final exams, and will be making them up in early January. I'll also have a major paper due then.

Newborn care is pretty much a 24-hour activity these days, and it's exhausting!

BUT, it's all worth it. A million times over.

Hardest thing ever....

Izzie turned 1 week old yesterday!

The past one week was probably one of the hardest in my whole entire life. Everyone says that being a parent is one of the hardest things that you'll ever do - but nobody tells you why or how hard it is.

1. Constant worrying... omg, the emotional pressure is just too great sometimes
2. All these things that I wish I knew beforehand. For instance:

- Did you know that when newborns are born they lose some weight and they're supposed to gain it back? Until they gain it back, if you have a sleepy newborn, you have to wake her up and make sure she feeds every 2-3 hours. Izzie loved to sleep, so its been a challenge, waking her up every 2 hours, stripping her down naked, and trying to get her to feed. Al and I wrote down a log tracking her feedings and her diapers, and I'd always be nervously making sure she was getting enough, and get myself into a near emotional breakdown when I thought she wasn't.
- Breastfeeding is friggin hard! I thought she was doing well at the hospital, but for some reason she just started freaking out at home. This combined with me worrying about not getting enough to eat... not good.

Yesterday was a good day though. We went to the pediatrician, and Izzie has officially regained all her birth weight. What this means:

1. We no longer have to wake her up every 2-3 hours or keep track of her diapers. We were told that if she's hungry.. she's hungry
2. We had a lactation consultant come over yesterday and she was so helpful and reassuring. We tried some new positions and devices to get her started. I'm still on a somewhat grueling schedule.. I have to pump everytime she feeds. But, I'll try to stick it out.. hopefully, she'll be a fast learner, and all these tricks and tips will be unnecessary.

Sigh.. I've become one of those ppl that only know how to talk about breastmilk, poopy diapers and my baby... but oh well.

My Birth Story

Hello everybody! We just got back from the hospital a little while ago. Baby Alf - now officially named Isabella - is doing really well. She came a little earlier than expected - but it all worked out.

Heres my birth story (I'll try to leave out the grisly details, but if ANYTHING birth related freaks you out.. I wouldn't read)...

On Tuesday morning at 2:30 am, I woke up thinking that my water had broke. It wasn't a gush, but a trickle or leak type of thing. I was a bit confused and not quite sure. Al was still up at this point so I told him, and then when I started leaking again I started to become a bit more sure. At this point, I wasn't feeling any contractions, so I didn't want to call the doctor (apparently, I was supposed to). At this point, we both decided to email our doula, Tara, and then try to go back to sleep. If this was the real deal, we would've needed our rest.

Al got a few hours, I had a really restless night, and in the morning we woke up and went to the doctors. I already had a scheduled appointment that morning, so we just walked in like any other day. I was a bit nervous. You could probably tell, but from my previous posts, I was really set on a natural birth, but I knew that if my water indeed had broken, the doctors would immediately put me on a "clock" and probably induce me to get the baby to come before infection can set in. The doctor came in and inspected me and said there was "no doubt" that my water had broken and she wanted us to check into the hospital immediately. I had asked her why she wanted to get me induced, and her answer pissed me off. She started listing off all these reasons which included "fetal death." Way to use scare tactics. Now.. remember, my doctor is a high-risk specialist and the hospital we were going to was high-risk oriented. This was exactly what I was afraid of. I would never want to put my baby in danger, but unnecessary medical interventions was exactly what I wanted to avoid. At this point, we called our doula and also our childbirth instructor. They both advised us to go home, pack, relax, and maybe do some exercises and some acupressure type stuff to get my contractions going on my own. After much dilly-dallying, Al and I headed over to the hospital.

Once we got to the hospital, our doula, Tara, was already waiting for us. I got admitted and had the conversation with the doctor on-call. He was actually a lot nicer and more understanding than my own doctor. He said he'd give me a few hours to walk around and try to see if my contractions would get started at a regular pace, but he said that after a few hours, if I didn't get going, he wanted to get me started on the labor-inducing drug pitocin.

The next few hours were really pleasant. It was me, Tara and Al walking around, trying to get the baby going, and me bouncing around on my yoga ball. The nurse that was covering me was also awesome. She said she was really interested in natural childbirth and she gave us some tips on what the doctors would be looking for when they made their next decision. Right around my deadline, the nurses and doctors made a shift change. The new doctor came in, checked me out and said she wanted me to get started on the pitocin. I knew it was coming (I just wasn't having regular contractions) and I was mentally prepared, but when they started hooking me up to the IV, I kinda had an emotional breakdown there. I was so disappointed - I knew that the pitocin, would just make it that much more difficult. Pitocin makes your contractions come faster, harder, etc. We asked everybody to leave the room, and Al and I just had a moment there. I felt really defeated at that point.. almost like I failed.. but Al gave me a nice pep talk and a friendly slap in the back and we moved on.

My contractions got going soon after the pitocin drip started. I still tried to move around the best I could. Now that I was on pitocin, that meant they had to continuously monitor the fetus. This was probably the most annoying thing ever. The monitor basically has two bands around my belly - one monitoring the fetal heartbeat and the other monitoring the contractions. I could understand why doctors and nurses pushed epidurals on women. Honestly, if you're just lying there in bed, its easy to deal with the patient. I kept moving around, going to the bathroom, bouncing on the ball, etc, and the nurse kept having to readjust the band. The nurse on shift at this time.. was a bit raw and new.. and she would do things like trying to adjust the bands while I was in the middle of the contraction, and demanding that I get into bed and lie on my side so she could get a better trace. Honestly, when the contractions started to get bad, I wanted to snap at her and tell her to shove the stupid monitor up her you-know-where, but I didn't want to turn the whole experience into anything negative. The pitocin started at around 10 pm and till 4 am, I was doing pretty well. The contractions weren't too bad - I would doze off in between, and during contractions I would use a lot of the relaxation, mental imgaery and other techniques I learned during class - they work surprisingly well.

At 4 am, the doctor checked me again and I was at 7 cm dilated. This is when things started to get really tough. All the techniques that I were using flew out the window, and I started to lose my mind during every contraction. This is where I have to give an A+ to Al, Tara and my nurse. Thank goodness, there was a shift change in the morning, and my new nurse came in and said "I did pitocin with no pain meds also. I think this is great" and she totally became a part of my team. Every contraction, I'd start yelling either "Oh my God, it hurts, it hurts" "I want to go home" and "Al, make it go away" I'd start sobbing during some of them, and just literally losing it. There was no real break in between. The contractions were so close, and because the baby was descending down, I started to feel a lot of pressure. My progress inched along, and everytime they did an examination and said "8 cm" or "8.5 cm" I felt like I couldn't go on any longer. Finally at around 9:50 ish, the doctor said that I was fully dilated and I was allowed to push with my contractions.

Pushing, while still painful, was a relief compared to the last few hours. This is where all my yogic squats paid off. I pushed for a little bit, and then baby Alf was here!!!! I had asked beforehand to hand her immediately to me, so she was on my chest in all her birth-gunk glory. She was incredibly alert and really really cute. The doctor started to do the post-birth procedures and this is where it gets graphic. Apparently, my uterus was bleeding too much - and the doctor proceeded to push some gauze into my uterus along with his WHOLE hand. OMG, I wanted to kick him in the face. He was really apologetic. I guess, the bleeding was so much, that they started to order blood in case I needed a transfusion and stuff, but I was still on my "I just had a baby" high so I didn't really notice. In the end, all is well, and I got away with minimal trauma.

So there it is.... my birth story. If you're curious about the more intimate details... I'd be willing to share. Haha. =]

I think Al was saying he wanted to write his version of the events so stay tuned!!!

Happy Holidays!

A Welcome Surprise!

Isabella Su-Ah Chang, born 10:21am on Wednesday, December 19, 2007, at 7 pounds and 4 ounces. It was the singular most awe-inspiring, breathtaking moment of my life. Details to come!

What an a**h*le!

Excuse my french.

Today was the last day of my birthing class - it was mostly on breastfeeding and newborn care... two fairly interesting subjects if you've got a baby on the way. Al and I have become reasonably friendly with the three other couples in our class - I mean, we won't be forming a mom group out of the class.. but friendly small talk is always something to be expected during class. Anyhow, there is this one couple... lets call them Curtis and Jennifer.

At the beginning of the class, Curtis and Jennifer emphasized how they need to get out of there 30 minutes early, so our teacher said she'd try to go through the material as fast as she can. Turns out... Curtis was in a rush so he can catch the second half of the Patriots - Jets game. Apparently, he was making the HUGE sacrifice of missing the first half by coming to this class about learning how to take care of his own baby. Anyhow, during the whole class, he (not so surreptitiously) parked his phone on his lap, and was following the game. He also looked really agitated, and every time somebody would ask a question or chime in with an anecdote he would roll his eyes.. you know, because every time a student talks, thats one less play he gets to watch. When the class ended, we were all lingering around a bit to say our goodbyes, and he just (not so quietly) says to Jennifer "Can we just f***ing go?" Sheesh... what a tool.

The thing is.. the class that I've been taking is the Bradley Method. Its a method that really emphasizes the husband/partner's role in coaching. Usually when couples come to this class, its not like any other birthing class where the wives are dragging their husbands to come with them. For the most part, husbands have also made a decision to learn the Bradley Method, and they're committed. Not Mr. Curtis... Look, I have Albert, the most obsessed Cal football fan living, as a husband. I get the whole watching-football-is-my-life thing... If there was some kind of really important Cal game going on during class, I would expect Albert to be slightly distracted, but he would never EVER act like such an idiot and embarrass his wife in front of the class.

I absolutely have no vested interest in the Patriots and how well they do this season. But just because of Curtis, I hope the Patriots lose their last regular season game AND lose their first playoff game. Deny Curtis of a record and a good postseason.

Full Term!!!

As of yesterday, I am officially full term. That means that if Alf makes an appearance from here on -- she won't be considered a premie. People are always asking me how I feel and I always answer "pretty good." What I am not mentioning:

1. My shrek-sized feet, cankles and hands. My feet are the biggest problem because I have no shoes that fit me anymore, and I refuse to go out and buy a new pair when I only have a few weeks to go. Maybe its stupid.. but for now, I just shove my balloon feet into my shoes and deal with it.

2. Pelvic pain. This is no joke and its something that you never hear about. Its hard to describe, but basically every time I shift positions or I'm walking, I get these shooting pains in my pelvic area, my butt and my upper thighs. It has something to do with my joints relaxing and things getting rattled around. Fun!

3. Inability to get comfortable while sleeping. So pre-pregnancy, I've always been a belly sleeper or a side sleeper. When you're pregnant you're not supposed to sleep on your back. Something about the baby pushing down on a major artery and decreasing blood flow to the legs and the baby. Well, you can't sleep on your stomach for obvious reasons, and for me, sleeping on my side is really uncomfortable when I have a bowling ball tugging down. Alas, no comfortable position for me to sleep. Yesterday, I enjoyed a prenatal massage (courtesy of Al's mom.. thanks!)and they had this bodyCushion thing that allowed me to be on my belly for an hour. After the session, I wanted to steal the cushion.

4. Baby movement. Believe me, I'm glad the baby is moving -- it would be a problem if she wasn't moving. But she's so dang big now, that these days when she moves its more like her burrowing.. and sometimes it hurts!

Still... when I say I'm "pretty good", I'm not lying. It is not lost on me that I have had a really smooth pregnancy, and have been fortunate in many many ways. Also, I've been lucky enough to get to go and get weekly chiropractic adjustments (saved my life), and get the occasional massage. I also have a really understanding husband, who tries really hard to do anything that will make me comfortable.

I'm also officially on maternity leave, so I'll get to rest a bit and start getting ready for the baby. Today's task... packing for the hospital.

Ninth Month!

We are now in the fourth day of the ninth month - only a few more weeks to go! There's not a whole lot going on these days. Doctor visits are more frequent - about once every two weeks, and soon to be weekly. Sophie has one more week of work, and then it's 3+ months of maternity leave. Our fellowship group from church is throwing us a baby shower this week! They are really terrific; I'm really grateful that we were able to find that community here in NYC.

A couple of newsworthy events have occurred since the most recent post:

(1) We will be sticking with our original hospital, Columbia Presbyterian (aka Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital). Maybe this will work out better, since it's actually closer to our apartment than the other hospital.

(2) We've been offered a bigger apartment in our building! One of the Korean couples (3L and his wife) is moving out, and as a married couple expecting a baby, we are at the top of the waiting list. The new apartment will be slightly bigger; more importantly, we think the apartment is more efficiently designed, and the kitchen has much more counter space. Those of you that know us know that kitchen space is very important to us. We'll be moving from the first floor (really the second floor if you include the ground floor) to the fifth floor - not sure how I feel about that yet. I'm going to miss being able to run to the lobby really quickly to pick things up; now I'm at the mercy of the elevator.

(3) Doc says Sophie will probably go early. We don't know whether or not to believe that. We read a lot of stories about people who are projected to go a few weeks early, then just end up walking around for a few weeks without progressing. Ideally, I think we'd like Alf to come at the end of December, sometime between Christmas and New Years. Her paternal grandfather's birthday is December 26th, so maybe she will end up having one around that date.

Since I don't have a normal blog, I might as well throw in a few personal updates as well:
(1) Finals season is upon us; doesn't seem so bad this year. I'm extraordinarily relaxed: good for my mental health, probably not so good for my transcript.
(2) I've accepted a summer job for next year here in the city. The firm I will be working for is Cravath, Swaine & Moore. I'll probably do half a rotation in tax and half a rotation in general corporate practice.
(3) Traditionally, Sophie has always taken care of income tax filings in our household (she's done it all the last three years or so...yes, she did it for me even before we got married). But after taking federal income tax this semester, I've officially be appointed to be in charge of taxes of the household.

This will be our first Christmas in New York! We may even go to Rockefeller Center and do the whole tourist thing. We have a mini Christmas tree, a wreath, and some lights around the apartment. Holiday season is here!