We Interrupt your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast....

I've always told Albert, "I wish we blogged more", "I wish we wrote more". I think my tendency is to not post if I have no pictures (which means, I should be taking more pictures). The goal, always, for this blog, was for me to turn it into a book when Izzie turns 1. If Izzie is anything like me, she will read through the blog over and over again, and marvel at how much her parents love her. So I wanted to make an effort to journal more. Talk more about my thoughts and feelings of becoming a 3-person family.

So here I am. Its 2:47 am, and I have no pictures to post because I can't find the camera and I will not risk waking Izzie up trying to look for it. What should I talk about?

Motherhood is awesome. I honestly do not remember a time before Izzie, when in reality, it was not that long ago. Sometimes, I will just wonder, what did I do with all that time? Now, my days are dictated by The Schedule. Everything gets planned around when she wakes up, goes down for her two naps and down for the night. What do we do when she's awake? I like to put her in cute outfits and take her out a lot. I think she's super cute, and I like to show her off. These days, I follow her around a lot as she discovers the apartment. I think I can spend hours watching her do the most mundane things. Its amazing how something like the TV remote can fascinate her for such a long time. Sometimes, when she's sleeping, I'll stare at her. The disbelief is still there - I can't believe I made something that is alive, has feelings and has an opinion of her own. Talk about a miracle.

I love it when people point out that she looks like me. I take it to another level, and mention how we both have left dimples, and how so many of our features are exactly alike. I'm also amazed at how much Izzie looks like Albert when they're both sleeping side-by-side. Its weird - her features may take more after me, but her general "aura" is more Albert. They have the same sleeping positions and sleeping expressions - its quite endearing to see. Izzie has Al's skin tone and hands and feet (and hopefully height).

I am still dealing with the identity crisis that comes (and maybe never ends..) with motherhood. I know I am a mom - and I love it. But who else am I? What does Sophie, the non-mother side do. Am I defined by my career? I hope not. My side-by-side mental comparison list between stay-at-home-ing and working is continuously running through my head, and I have no conclusion, nor do I see myself making a decision anytime soon.

I think I will bring my insomnia-induced ramblings to an end right here. Perhaps, when I am more awake and alert, I'll write more coherent posts about my thoughts and feelings.. but for now, this will do.

Good night.