My Grandmother

My grandmother passed away. It was very, very sudden. Yes, she was of old age, but I don't think anybody was really prepared. When my mom first told me that she had collapsed and was unconscious), I think I shut down a bit. Maybe being numb is a coping mechanism for me - because that is how I feel. Numb and out of it.

My dad called at 1 am, telling me that my grandmother was passing away. He held up the phone to her (she was still unconscious ), and I said, "This is Sohyeon. I love you!" What else do I say in that situation? Hours later, I finally called my mom and she said that my grandmother passed away, surrounded by family, without any suffering or pain.

I think the feeling of numbness continues - but man, all I could think about was the memories of her. My grandmother was an amazing, amazing woman. Every time I would go visit, she would prepare the best home-cooked meals. We're talking about old-school Korean food here. I don't care what you say - she made the best kimchi in the whole wide world. She was a traditional woman, and yet, she was so open-minded. The last time I saw her, was two winters ago - if I had known, that that was the last time I saw her, I would've given her an extra hug before I left. When she found out that I was having a baby, she put together a few blankets and a baby pillow and sent it over. Izzie does all her playtime on the blankets, and every time Izzie naps and goes to bed for the night, she is hugging the pillow that my grandmother gave her.

I really wish my grandmother could've met Izzie. She was so excited to meet her this winter, and in fact, going along with Rah family tradition, she was going to make Izzie's first hanbok for her first birthday. I've spent the last day, desperately trying to think of as many memories as I could, so that one day, I could tell Izzie about my grandmother.